Grief and the holidays: How you can cope

There is nothing harder than losing a loved one. During the holidays, that loss can seem overwhelming.

Jean and Rick Ford know that all too well. Jean had struggled with the loss of her parents and an uncle, all in a few short years. Rick was her rock. With his support and a class called GriefShare, she was able to get through it and begin to live again.

Jean's dad had suffered from Alzheimer's disease for 15 years before his death. Not too long after, her mom passed away — at 10 p.m. on Christmas Eve 1996.

"Christmas made me angry for a long time," Jean said.

She ended up going to a GriefShare event and "bawled my head off," she said. "This is a place to do that."

After finishing the program, she went through the 13-week class more than once. She found she had a real heart for helping others through the grief.

Then the unthinkable happened.

In 2003, their 17-year-old son, AJ, was found dead in his bedroom. To this day, no one knows what caused his death.

This time, Rick couldn't be strong for Jean, not when he was hurting just as much.

"It's hard with guys. They try to be strong," Jean said. "Yet he had a complete meltdown."

They also found that grief hits at different times. For Rick, it was months after AJ's death when he had his meltdown while at the high school AJ attended. He still doesn't remember what he said to his wife on the phone, but he knows he worried her.

This time they attended GriefShare classes together, again more than one session.

"It was about six years before I was able to function," Jean said.

Now they are getting ready to lead a GriefShare program. They have already led four sessions, as well as a "surviving the holidays" seminar earlier this month.

The classes will start Jan. 17 and will run from 6 to 8 p.m. Sundays at St. Luke's Church, 515 S. 312th St. The classes cost $15, and that covers the workbook, which is a day-by-day devotional called "From Mourning to Joy" and also includes a weekly journal.

At the Surviving the Holidays event, Jean and Rick went over some tactics for getting through that first holiday season — or the second, third or fourth. There is no time limit on grief, Jean said. The event included a video from GriefShare that had others speaking about how they get through the holidays.

If you are interested in joining the GriefShare session in January, contact Jean Ford at JeanFord@dwt.com.