Recovering meth addict 'Lori' shares letters from prison

If you have been following along while I attempted to explain the psychological connection between drug addiction and emotional turmoil, you should now have some understanding that people begin misusing drugs for different reasons but often end up giving their lives to their drug of choice.

The following are excerpts from letters written by a young woman whom I’ll call “Lori” during her first 18 months in a federal prison camp for destroying a home while making meth. I hope to illustrate Lori’s progress and development as a recovering addict, as well as her occasional regression. You may recall that recovery is an ongoing process. Lori’s circumstances as a prisoner and her experiences as an ex-convict both contribute to her struggle for recovery and a drug-free life.

“I’ve been here since April 2003. I apologize for causing shame and embarrassment to my family. I know I broke my parents’ hearts because I disobeyed, lied to them and stole from them so I could support my addiction. I can’t even imagine what my son is going through now. I see a scared and confused little boy when I look in his eyes.

“I have a really bad cavity in my top right molar in the back. It’s sore sometimes. I can’t get it pulled until they are all cleaned.

“I let my parents down so many times and now that I’m down they are right here with me; writing, sending photos and visiting when they can. It’s count time, and in five minutes, lights out.

“I turned 22 and I feel like I’m 90! We cleaned the prison camp’s barn. Every muscle hurts.

“I’m going to the “outside” doctor to have work done on my uterus. They say I have cancer and I say they are wrong.

“My mom is working this weekend. Dad is bringing my son. He will soon turn 4.

“It is hard to believe my son will be 4 tomorrow. He is growing up so fast.

This is the second birthday I have missed since my incarceration. I miss him all the time and we never have enough time together.

“I was allowed to walk my family to their car in the parking lot. My son asked if I was going home too. It totally ripped both our hearts out when I told him ‘Not this time.’

“I started yoga again. I can already tell a difference in body and attitude.

“Mom and Dad brought my son to visit. He is getting ready for Head Start. I liked school until ninth grade. In high school my grades dropped and I got “new friends”. Then I quit school. I hope that doesn’t happen to my son. I can only guide him to make right choices.”

Note Lori’s physical problems, often associated with drug addiction. She is rediscovering the benefits of exercise. Also, she has had time to ponder her family’s efforts to support her, and she realizes this is a gift.

More on Lori’s experiences next month.

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