Kingston: where the slugs race and the traffic crawls

Remember “Where the hell is Kingston, WA”? Back in the 1970s, it was the bumper sticker of choice for proud Kingstonstonians from Streibel’s Corner to Jefferson Beach. A decade or two later, thanks to local historian Harold Osborne, we became the “Little City by the Sea” – even though Kingston isn’t a city and is on the cove (don’t get KCN editor Rebecca started on “Little City by the Sea”). Well, it’s a new millennium, and the chamber of commerce says it’s time for a new slogan to express our community pride. I’m here to help.

So is Dave Hildebrand, owner of Sack’s Feed, who suggests “Kingston: Gateway to Eglon.” I know this because I saw it on the Sack’s Feed sign (fortunately, it’s still legal to read signs while driving, though the state legislature will soon be installing cameras to cite drivers distracted by roadside messages). Following Dave’s example I would like to submit “Kingston: Part of the Greater Hansville Area.” We all know it’s coming.

Recently, my brother, Bill Asher, and some of his friends wiled away many happy hours at a local tavern thinking up slogans for our quiet harbor community. So it will come as no surprise – considering the venue – that “Quaint town, odd bars” and “Drinkston: At some point you will end up here” bobbed to the surface. Then came “Kingston: Available on most maps,” and the simple yet elegant, “Smell the Slough.”

Heads down, mugs in hand and pencils flying, the group coined the enigmatic, “Kingston: Look what the tide brought in,” the political “Kingston: A red town in a blue state,” and the hopeful “Most of the time we have electricity.” As a local, I’m not sure if I should be insulted by “Kingston: America is just a ferry boat ride away,” but I’m willing to concede that life in Kingston is “Simple, and we like it that way.”

After penning “The anti-Bainbridge” (more on Bainbridge to follow) they began shooting fish in a barrel with the town’s major export: ferry traffic. “Land of the ferries,” has a nice, storybook ring to it. Then we have “Come for the ferry, wait in the lines,” and “A moment in time in a holding lane.” Not bad. To those, however, I will add, “Kingston: Where rush hour happens every 40 minutes” and “Where the slugs race and the traffic crawls.” That should bring the tourists flocking in.

I suspect that when Bill and friends came up with “Kingston: A quizzle hizzle in a bizzle wizzle” it was pretty near closing time.

Let us now return to the island. I feel I’ve covered the bases with “Kingston: Like Bainbridge, only 40% cheaper,” or, simply, “Kingston: Bainbridge-lite.”

Let us not forget Kingston’s notorious shortage of bacon-and-egg fare, which inspired “Kingston: Hope you’ve had breakfast.” No worries, with one dozen espresso bars we make up for it by being “Kitsap’s most caffeinated.” (By the way, did you see that the new Windermere building is advertising space for a coffee shop? Thank goodness … I don’t know about you, but my caffeine level always dips dangerously low in that one-mile stretch from Jumpin’ Java to Smitter’s Jitters).

How about “Kingston: Visualize a Village Green?” Or “A 25-mile-per-hour town in a 60-mile-per-hour world.” (Why is everyone going 40 on Highway 104 this summer?) Or “Come for the skate park, stay for the senior center” (food for thought). One of the slogans put forth by the official committee, “Kingston: Close enough to get away” could be punched up by adding, “But you can’t, so don’t even try.”

“Kingston: No landing craft necessary” (an Extreme Home Makeover reference). “Kingston: Banana slugs big as wiener dogs” (that’d put us on the map). How about “Kingston: Stay for a lifetime, or stay for a two-boat wait”? I don’t know, maybe we can just fix the tried and not-quite-true by changing “Little city by the sea” to “Little community by the cove.” There. No need to thank me, business leaders of Kingston. Just doing my job.

Wendy Tweten lives in Kingston with her husband, three sons, three dogs and an armada of slugs as big as wiener dogs. She extends special thanks to Bill and friends for sacrificing their brain cells for the sake of her column. Reach Wendy for comment at wtweten@yahoo.com.

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